This is good. Witch-Hunting is a fun theme. We all take a swing at it. Mine was called something like "Three Blackened Crows".
Consider two editing points:
Burning flesh or a rotting corpse or festering wounds has a smell. Incorporate the smell into the horror of the burning. It would have saturated the clothes and hair of everyone within a hundred feet. A lasting message.
The "Are you seriously . . . . " question is written poorly. It has a contemporary feel that will not endure over time. Fashionable today is embarrassing in ten years. The concern is real. Give the young man an action and a delivery with a classical sensibility. Maybe he glances to the front door with alarm and back and mutters something like "This is not the time for parlour tricks, Desra. The Eyes of the Order are everywhere."
Your creative ability will tidy it up. Use classic styling though so the conversations will age well. You don't want your dialogues to sound like they came out of a Clueless movie.
This is good. Witch-Hunting is a fun theme. We all take a swing at it. Mine was called something like "Three Blackened Crows".
Consider two editing points:
Burning flesh or a rotting corpse or festering wounds has a smell. Incorporate the smell into the horror of the burning. It would have saturated the clothes and hair of everyone within a hundred feet. A lasting message.
The "Are you seriously . . . . " question is written poorly. It has a contemporary feel that will not endure over time. Fashionable today is embarrassing in ten years. The concern is real. Give the young man an action and a delivery with a classical sensibility. Maybe he glances to the front door with alarm and back and mutters something like "This is not the time for parlour tricks, Desra. The Eyes of the Order are everywhere."
Your creative ability will tidy it up. Use classic styling though so the conversations will age well. You don't want your dialogues to sound like they came out of a Clueless movie.
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback ☺️
It was a sad time
It unfortunately is going to get sadder 😢